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Class Based Wonders... and a crappy chart

What up Intarweb?

Today, I'll be writing a little about the various classes in Team Fortress. Just enough to get your/my/someone's appetite whetted, since I could write an essay about each one of these classes.

Here are the classes of Team Fortress.

1.1 Scout
1.2 Sniper
1.3 Soldier
1.4 Demoman
1.5 Medic
1.6 HWGuy
1.7 Pyro
1.8 Spy
1.9 Engineer

Actually, there is not enough time to write a summary. Here is a chart. I rated them from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest).

OFFENSE: How much this class helps the offense/is designed for offense.

DEFENSE: Read above. See the word "Offense"? Strike that, reverse it. Thank you.

MAX FIREPOWER: How much damage they can cause in a short second-or-two burst.

LEARNING CURVE: How difficult it is too learn. 5 means "easy to pickup/own with", 1 means difficult.

Here's where I justify my ratings like I'm a rap star on MTV trying to defend my ranking of Missy Elliot's "I Can't Stand The Rain" as the second best Hip-Hop song of all time. Yes, a bunch of respected rappers really did this on one of those shows. First was Run-DMC & Aerosmiths, so at least they got that right.

Where was I?

1.1 Scout

Yes, with his footspeed and conks, he is the expert's choice for offense, if offense is sorely lacking. But the fact that he depends on his team for destroying even simple obstacles, and that one scout rarely turns the tide of the map, I didn't give him the 5 in 'O' that many players would probably argue for. If they read this blog. If only. :(

1.2 Sniper

I think I did this one justice. Enough footspeed and nades to make a decent grab at the flag. Enough "campiness" to make a decent substitute sentry gun in a pinch. Can't argue with his firepower, it's a fact. Let me just say that this is my least favorite class. But I respect it. If only more snipers wouldn't get so hung up on sniper wars. The word "Team" IS in the game, after all.

1.3 Soldier

The most popular class for good reason. Devastating AND versatile weapon. Good armor. No Learning Curve. If you've played a/an FPS before, you know how to use this guy to his (mostly) full potential. Can't say anything about this class that one game playing with it won't confirm. If any class is to be the powerhouse, it seems fitting that it should be this one. The four rocket reload really does keep the class form getting totally overpowered.

1.4 Demoman

From all my years playing, I know that Demoman isn't one of the popular classes. What I don't know is why. Maybe he's underrated? Maybe he's just got a tougher learning curve? Maybe cuz he's a spam cannon, and newbies figure it'll be more fun trying something else first? Maybe it's because he's not as sexy as Soldier. Yeah, that's right. I bolded sexy. And right next to soldier. How many gay men you think will pass over this blog in their googling?

Whatever the reason is, a good Demoman can be an AWESOME defender. But only as flag support. I've never been able to really grind down a defense by attacking with him, but I'm not really sure why that is.

Here is what I do know. With all the time and energy devoted to advanced play of Engie, Soldier, Spy and Scout... I have no clue why the twinks out there haven't found a borderline exploitative way to abuse the enemy with the detpack, considering its huge radius, and instakill damage. I just don't get it. Demoman is as enigmatic to me as allowing Paris Hilton to put out a record. I mean, come on. Isn't the market full of bad blonde singers for preteen girls already? Maybe in comparison to Hilton, they're trying to make some of those girls sound good? Totally baffling.

PART 2!! This time, it's personal.


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